Woodworking

I've noticed that customers like to use analogies while expressing a complaint. Unfortunately for them, their attempt at making the situation more dramatic than it actually is by exaggerating ends up doing the opposite of what they intended for it to do. 

Hi there,

I received the order for my mom and dad that I had ordered. The one for my dad is in great condition, the one for my mom looks made very cheap, and the hankerchief it’s self is so rough! You would think it’s sand paper. I’m embarrassed to give this to her.

Ms. G

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Ms. G,

Firstly, let me be clear on one thing--I do not appreciate when other people tell me what I am thinking. Secondly, the better thing for you to have said would've been that you think it's sand paper. Either way, you still would have stated an inaccuracy and shown yourself to be delusional. I have never thought of a handkerchief to be such as I clearly know the difference between cloth and abrasive minerals that have been glued onto a paper backing. They're opposites, really. Next, I'd like to address your analysis of the fabric. 

It feels like sand paper, you say? Use it on wood. Let me know how that works out for ya.

Smoother than you,

The Tshirt Nazi

Out of Control

You gotta love how Amazon has ingrained into the minds of shoppers that they can keep a product for free at the slightest indication of dissatisfaction. I don't like when people try to manipulate me with that mentality.

I didn't like this customer who had that mental glitch. I shall call her Dee-Dee.

Dee Dee complains:
I received my package today and I was sad and disappointed I am not sure I will be willing to give this to my husband on our wedding day I think it looks kind of fake and cheap makes me sad… Not sure if you were able to give a partial refund because I am probably going to have to get something else


Notice her uncertain word choices: "I was sad and disappointed..., (past tense emotions) "I am not sure...," "I think...," "kind of...," "makes me sad....," (the emotions strike again) "Not sure if..," "probably going to have to...."
Not only did she choose phrasing that weakens any argument, she also attempted to utilize an emotional sympathy tactic. People do this when they lack facts and are struggling to maintain integrity they do no possess.

This indicated to me she was actually okay with the item, she just wanted to keep it at a lower cost than what she got it for. It's a new mentally online shoppers have adopted and which I have coined with the term "post promos."
Let me define that:
Post promo -- a discount manufactured for customers who manipulate a vendor into applying a coupon to a paid order upon having received the purchased product.

Okay, Dee Dee. I know your type.

In my response, her dissatisfaction was acknowledged, and she was then politely instructed how she could go about returning the item for a refund, which was extremely gracious considering my strict shop policies. See? I'm a good person.


Dee Dee counters:
I work the exact hours that the local post office is open. I literally never can go to the post office. We live in a rural area that also have shortened post office hours. They only are open until 2:45 p.m


The Tshirt Nazi feigns politeness:

Dear Dee-Dee,
While that is an unfortunate situation, please understand it is beyond our control. A friend or family member might be willing to help you out by running the errand for you if you are unable to do so on a Saturday as well.

Note that I've used kind words,
The Tshirt Nazi


The Dee-Dee brat retorts:
I understand you cannot control the post office and are not willing to do partial refund given a poor quality. 

Thank You
Dee-Dee


Tshirt Nazi owns Dee-Dee:

Dumb Dee-Dee,
That is correct. I felt it was quite generous to offer you a FULL refund rather than a partial refund, given our excellent customer service. You're welcome.

With classy sass,
The Tshirt Nazi

Guaranteed

It just so happens I've encountered one of those (hopefully) rare people who seem to speak English quite well but can't seem to comprehend your response in the same language, or perhaps they have an extremely short term memory, something like a bubble-eyed goldfish. I can only imagine what it must be like to have them enter a fast food drive-thru.

Communication with Miss S:

How long does it take to ship these out?
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Hello,
Thank you for your interest in our listing! Our current processing time is 3-5 business days, and shipping to another continental US location tends to take around four days.
There are rush processing and/or shipping options that can be selected at checkout if you need the item sooner. I hope this helps!

Kind regards,
The Tshirt Nazi
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If I order it today do you know when I would receive it?

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I would estimate you might receive it by next Saturday, but I'm unable to give an exact date.

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Ok but I would receive it by the 20th?
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(Are you noticing a pattern here?)

We cannot guarantee delivery by a certain date, but we can process your order fairly quick and get it in the mail for you. You should have it in time..

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When can you gaurentee it by?

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*taps fingers on keyboard slowly as stares at screen*


Really? You really want to go there? Do you not understand that once we place the item into the mail so that it gets tossed around mericilessly through our postal system it is by hope alone that by some gracious miracle, considering you actually gave us the correct shipping address, it actually arrives and we have no control over it? It's called relying on other people. If I were to physically deliver it myself, could you even guarantee me that you'd be waiting for the package at your house by the time I arrived? It is apparent to me that you yourself are not dependable as you are so fearful of our end of the deal not being upheld. Such knee-jerk expectations are a tell-all about someone's personal behavior, as they believe it to be normal and applicable to every being in the human race. Any idiotic circumstance (aka form of human error) could potentially prevent the item from reaching you in the ESTIMATED timeframe. If you are unfamiliar with the meaning of the acronym ETA, I suggest you utilize your computer in a more effective way by typing your next words into the google search engine.

I'm a big believer in efficiency. All things considered, I truly feel it would be simpler to utilize the public mailing system that has been set in place to make transactions like this easier. I'm sure you'd be interested to know that FedEx overnights items at a cost of over $100 and still say that they cannot guarantee the item's delivery by that date. While it is unfortunate I cannot truthfully guarantee a stranger's actions will be executed flawlessly on your behalf, I will gladly offer you the following: if you continue to repeat yourself unnecessarily, you will receive a complimentary no-buy guarantee from the Tshirt Nazi. Tap those keys in front of you wisely.

If you think not, speak not,
The Tshirt Nazi