It Was A Bad Monday

Everyone always talks about how Monday is the worst day of the week because they have to go back to the routine job or school after a relaxing weekend. It's difficult, right? I can honestly say that usually my Mondays are really great! For the first time I can remember, I had a really bad Monday. Complaint after complaint rolled in starting from very early hours of the morning to late at night. It was the most complaints ever received at one time. It wasn't even funny.
 In total, I had received complaints from five different customers (in ONE day), four of which were from the kinds of people below who sent me messages.
I obviously had to be super nice when actually answering these people, so I wonder...What kind of replies do I REALLY wish I could send them? Hmmmm....
Let us begin with the woman who was too shocked by the beauty of my product online that she failed to read the item description before clicking purchase and complaining once it arrived.


"I received my order yesterday and was shocked and disappointed that I did not see the GLITTER shirt that I ordered. Your photos are extremely misleading."

Dear Mz. T,
The only thing that is shocking, disappointing, and misleading about this situation is your brain, as it has obviously malfunctioned. This unfortunate state of your brain could be due to consuming vast amounts of junk food, being exposed to prolonged doses of radiation from your computer screen after too many hours of online shopping, or failing your third grade reading class. I truly am sorry for your brain cell loss. However, the product listing clearly states the following:

Please note that this t shirt does NOT have actual glitter on it for the safety of your little one as well as the convenience of having a mess-free shirt!

Had you taken the time to read this text which is found near the top of the item's description, you could have avoided the confusion, shock, disappointment, and embarrassment of falsely accusing someone, which you have just endured. We do our best to represent our products as accurately as possible in the photos by placing the exact design we use onto the display shirts in our shop, without any editing or photo changes. It's like a woman who doesn't wear make-up. There's nothing misleading or fake about her face. That being said, your mug is more misleading than the photo I posted online. I wonder what you would say to your fiance if the first time he saw you without make-up he exclaimed, "I saw you without make-up on for the first time yesterday and was shocked and disappointed that I did not see the GLITTER-EYED beauty that I proposed to. Your face was extremely misleading."
You'd probably tell him to get lost. I'm telling you to do the same.

Laying out the facts,
The Tshirt Nazi
_________________
Brief Rendition-

"My package has been somewhere in my apartment building for a week, but I don't feel like looking for it! Also, the more I think about it, I don't think it's fair that I should have to buy another one to get it delivered by USPS straight to my apartment door. Please send me a new one free of charge, and I'm willing to pay a small amount to barely cover the shipping cost. Otherwise, I'll just buy another one off of amazon."

Mz. Y,
.... *blink* *blink* Was that a ...threat? Ha..haha..hah...hahahahaha!!! *abruptly cuts laughter short.* *eyes narrowing; low, sinister voice* Then go buy one off of amazon..
Threats? Empty threats. Get off your lazy can or pay for the convenience in full.

Tired of people like you,
The Tshirt Nazi
_________________
The next complaint we received was from--Ah, yes...Those... wonderful girls who are about to get married only are no longer acting very sweet, at least to anyone other than their fiance--the Bridezilla.

"I am very upset with how my name looks... I personally think it looks horrible and this is not how I pictured it at all. I'm almost embarrassed to give this as a gift on my wedding day. Your pictures that you have online are 10 times better than what I have received. The font is huge. I feel like I just wasted my money."

Dear Mz. X,

I'm sorry that you don't like how your name looks in the font we show in the sample photo of the item you bought, but, on the bright side, if you're giving it away as a gift, you won't ever have to look at it again. I'm sure that the recipient of the gift won't be so vain about your name that they hand it back and tell you they're embarrassed you even would think to give them a gift with your name in such a widely used, popular script font that is used and sold on items all over the world wide web. I can make the size of the text smaller for you if you care to re-order, but then it will no longer match the sample item in the display picture, nor would your name. It appears that you clicked "buy" on an item you didn't actually like. You seem to want to change everything about it that you had seen before you purchased. In the future, if you don't like what you see in the sample picture posted online, you may want to avoid purchasing it because chances are it will match the photo you saw exactly, and you'll be very unhappy you received what was advertised. I have to agree with you: you did waste your money. I've never known anyone else who would pay approximately $23.00 total merely to have a seemingly "valid" reason to complain about getting an item as you saw it online. You could have messaged me for free to say you didn't like what was shown in my pictures.

With the gift of common sense,
The Tshirt Nazi

*Second message consisted of two photos of the product we sent her.* It looked flawlessly beautiful. Because it was.

Dear Mz. X,

Thank you so much for taking the time to send in these BEAUTIFUL customer appreciation photos! I'll be sure to post them on our facebook page right away. :)

The Tshirt Nazi

How I'd love to see her reaction to that one!

_______________

"I received the handkerchief today. The writing is beautiful, however I am very disappointed in the way it was shipped. Half the bag was ripped, and the hankerchief is so wrinkled it is very disappointing."

I'm sorry to hear that the packaging was damaged when it arrived! It must have happened somewhere along the line during transit.. I'm very thankful that the handkerchief itself wasn't ripped like the packaging.
As for the handkerchief being wrinkled, if you press it with a heated clothes iron, it should restore the handkerchief's crisp, new look that unfortunately was disturbed during shipment.
I apologize that this occurred during your item's shipment! :/

Sincerely,
The Tshirt Nazi
(Wasn't that kind? Wait for it....)


"This is very disappointing. I don't have time with my wedding coming up so quickly to be pressing an item that I ordered new and was shipped in cheap wrap. What is your return policy and I can order from somewhere else."

Oh, so you wanna start the insults, eh? Fine by me.

Undear Miss. Bridezilla,
Allow me to notify you up front that you are beginning to annoy me. I do not accept insults. I simply hand them back to the person who issued them without my consent. You are cheap. Where is your return policy? I decided I don't want to put up with you.

You're about to be banned from my store,
The Tshirt Nazi

"I would have thought you would have offered a replacement product shipped in better condition. I will be sure to record this in my review."

King Kong's Sister:
You did not want a replacement nor do you need one so why under the name of common sense do you believe I would offer a jerk-face like yourself one? You wished to return the undamaged item and to purchase elsewhere. I'm not stopping you from buying somewhere else. In fact, I'm totally encouraging you to do so. Your excuse about being too busy with the wedding to take a few seconds to iron the hanky is ridiculous. First, you wanted a refund because of something the postal service did. When that didn't work, you subtly threatened to leave a bad review if not offered a replacement. Waiting for a new item to arrive takes far longer than it would for you to iron 500 handkerchiefs, let alone one. In all the time you have spent with your frivolous messages and writing a review which will not affect my impeccable 5-star rating, you could have pressed the handkerchief and retained the permission to purchase from my shop. By your own annoying personality and lame excuses/threats, you are hearby forbidden from purchasing from my shop for the next 5 years. Should you attempt to place an order, it will be promptly canceled and your money withheld as a fine for obstructing the peace, internet loitering, harassment, trespassing, violation of my shop's policy terms and regulations, and breaching probation.

No products for you,
The Tshirt Nazi
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Ordering Shirts Without Payment

Placing an order without ever paying..Is this a thing? I have had several people try to place an order via a message to my shop, stating what size shirt(s) they want with custom names on them, yet they never actually submit an order..Just send us a note. Not only is no payment provided, they don't even tell me where to have the items shipped--in the event I felt like sending them free shirts. They merely fill out an invisible order form in the messaging area, stating everything they want us to send them. And that's it.
Perhaps they haven't ever purchased from the site before; I can understand that. So, in my reply I graciously thank them for their interest in my products and explain how they can go about placing the order. It has yet to happen. The first time we received a message containing an "order," we thought it was kind of amusing. The next time it happened, we knew what to expect. All the times it's happened since then, it just began to become annoying.

 So, one day after I received yet ANOTHER one of those messages from a would-be customer....

Example Customer Message: 

"Hello, please mail me this shirt for my son's 3rd birthday and put the name Ryan."

I decided to have fun with my response. Read on.

"Hello Mz. R,

Are you from outer space or Jupiter? Did zombies eat your brains? DO YOU HONESTLY THINK WE WOULD SEND A FREE SHIRT TO A PERSON WITH NO ADDRESS?? WHERE DO YOU THINK IT WOULD END UP? Jupiter? That doesn't have an address. You must be a martian from outer space, with a little martian baby. I've heard martian babies are small, green, and deformed. At least, that's what I've always imagined them to be. Unfortunately for you, we do not carry little martian baby sizes. Please find another shop who might send you a tshirt to wherever it is you live since you obviously don't think we need an address to fulfill the order you never actually placed.

Get lost,

The Tshirt Nazi"

Disclaimer: The customer name in this message has been changed for protection purposes. This message, though typed, was never actually sent to the customer. That would be very unprofessional.

Introduction & BackGround Story

I've been an online shop owner for almost two years now. Running a business from home is alot more effort and work hours than people credit it to be. They think, well, you're at home all the time so you must have so much free time! This is not true.. When working at home, you are basically living in the work place. Or rather, your living area is the work place. So there is no escape. You could actually spend less time working if you were to clock in and out of a workplace than you do working from home. On top of that, you are also living in your home much more than if you were gone all day..So you have all the household to-dos on top of your work schedule. 

I have set up and am running TWO online stores by doing the graphic designing, creating and posting shop banners/appearance, bios, profiles, creating item designs, making the templates to post online, individually posting each item in it's correct category, marketing the item, filling out item descriptions, their titles, and tags (adds up when you have 500+ listings), social media advertising, shop policy, sending proofs to customers who ordered custom designs, and much more. Aside from all that online work I briefly touched on, there's the task of actually producing the products, packaging, and shipping them, which is another workload in itself.

Besides those crucial tasks, I also deal directly with the customers, answering questions or handling complaints. Anyone who has ever worked in any form of customer service knows the falsity of the over-quoted statement "the customer is always right." I bet a customer came up with that one. The more you talk to people, the more you realize how stupid some people really are. Talking to the customer(s) includes answering anyone and everyone's inquiries politely no matter how easily it could be found if they actually read what I've already taken the time to type out in our store online, whether it be processing time, policy, or in the item's description. Next, there's, of course, the chore of patiently working with the problem customers. Open a shop; they will come.

I dream of one day opening a physical shop that would have such amazing products that people could not help but flock to my store. I would have strict rules, a motto that the customer is not always right, and no complaints tolerated. I'd love to be known as "The Store Nazi." Jerry Seinfeld's episode inspired me. Watch it for a better idea of how I would run my store. It would be awesome. The Soup Nazi-Jerry Seinfeld

Since I can't do that yet, I have taken to creating this tshirt nazi blog to vent. Well, not so much vent as to post the responses I wish I really could send to some of our customers. My sense of humor generally isn't sarcastic, but it flows out of me when I'm peeved at a customer. I'm beginning to think this sign is true.

I'm truly very polite to all of my customers and in no way a nazi (yet). My 5 star review ratings are proof of that. This blog was created soley for your enjoyment as well as for my sanity. If you've been in customer service of any kind before, I know you can relate. If you haven't, I hope you'll still find my posts entertaining. Enjoy and leave lots of comments!